LIVE SIMPLY: Back to Basics

I’ve just returned from a lovely “mini-vacation” with my husband, Bob. We had originally planned this time off to attend my niece’s wedding in Massachusetts. However, we learned a little over a month ago that the wedding has been “postponed” to a later date. We decided to take the time off anyway and go somewhere close “just to get away.” We decided to go to Monterey with our bikes and do some riding along the coast.

Timing is everything! We left on Tuesday afternoon just ahead of mail delivery to the members of our church of a letter written by our rector saying that he and his wife are leaving us after many years of faithful service. We already knew what was in the letter. Bob is on the vestry and the vestry was given advance knowledge. As a deacon, I am part of clergy and also knew “the news.”

I have been in various stages of grief depending on the day and the hour. My first feeling was one of sheer horror and fear. How could we possibly function as a church without our beloved Fr. Dan and his precious wife, Brenda (she who is also our beloved choir mistress and organist of the absolutely highest quality!)? How could I possibly function as a deacon without my champion and my mentor? How could life possible go on?

As I sat in the window seat of our incredible room pondering all those grieving questions and looking out at the ocean, I could almost audibly hear God’s voice whispering, “Lee, let’s get back to basics.” I knew it wasn’t Bob because he was continuing his bike ride (after I gave up at 10 miles!). The cleaning lady had already been in our room…no one else was there except God and me. It wasn’t me so it had to be Him!

And just as I had asked those grief filled questions, the Lord came back at me with His own questions. Answering them was a healing balm on my grieving soul.

His first question was “Do you go to church because Fr. Dan is there?” No, Lord, I go because I want to worship you in community with other believers. I want to celebrate the Eucharist and take part in a foretaste of the great feast that awaits us in your kingdom. I want to hear your Word. I want to sing praises to your Name. I go to church because of you!

The second question was “Did you become a deacon because of Fr. Dan and so you could serve with him at the altar? No, Lord, I am a deacon today because you called me to be one. I believe with all my heart that you placed Fr. Dan in my life so that he could be my champion and my mentor…and he was. You called me and he heeded your call to teach me and to “hatch me.” Now I must do the work you have called me to do both in your church and in the world. I must discover, through your Divine Wisdom, the ministry you desire for me. I have been prepared well and while there is much work to be done on me yet, I must trust that you will continue to “grow” me!

As a bereavement counselor I know that the hardest part of grieving is “accepting the reality”…getting your head knowledge and your heart knowledge at the same place. My head knows that Fr. Dan is leaving and that “getting back to the basics” of why I go to church and why I am a deacon is very important. My heart isn’t quite there yet, so I give my heart to the Lord and ask Him to hug it (so that I might see the majesty of all that He is), to dry my tears and to impart that peace that only He can give while the healing continues.

Will I miss Fr. Dan…my priest, my champion, my mentor? Of course I will!! However, I trust with all my heart in his call and in his discernment process. And I trust in the Lord with all my heart to bless all of us…Fr. Dan and Brenda, me, St. Anne’s, and St. John’s as we all follow His will for our lives. And, thanks to the wonders of modern technology and free cell phone long distance, we will never really be more than an email, a text message or a phone call apart!