Thursday, October 9, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
My dear husband was away for the weekend so I was left in peace and quiet to do what needed to be done. I began by taking everything off the shelves and off the floor of "my" closet as I call the closet in our "computer room."
The "stuff" I found! Apparently I had cut out an kept every newspaper article, every magazine article, every "anything" that had been printed about Princess Diana after her death. All of these things were tucked inside a scrapbook so one might assume that I truly meant to make a scrapbook with all these goodies. I sat on the floor and read every single article...and I remembered where I was when I heard she had died (San Francisco) and how I felt (very sad) that such a terrible accident had taken the life of someone so young. I remembered our trip to England and our visit to her ancestral home in Althrop. I cherished all those memories...and then I threw away every single piece of paper.
Ditto with all the magazine and newspaper articles about Michael Jordan's return to the Chicago Bulls! Of course when I started that collection I was still in Chicago and a huge Bulls fan! I remembered the one game I actually got to see at the Stadium where the Bulls won and Jordan seemed bigger than life to me. I was so excited to be "in his presence!" I remembered all those memories...and then I threw away every single piece of paper.
Ditto with so many other things saved and cherished as "important" but no longer had much meaning.
Then I came to "the box." This was the box that had all the memories of my late husband, Chuck stored in it. There were love letters...hundred of them. There were all the condolence cards that were sent when he died. I read every single one of them and realized that I didn't even know most of those people any more. I found his wallet and his Jewel Foods (our local grocery store) check cashing card, his voters registration card and all of his medical cards which at one time had seemed to important to save...almost as if someday he might need them again. There was so much stuff in "the box" (which was quite large by the way) that it took me an entire day to read every single thing.
Some of the things made me laugh and some made me cry. The memories they brought back were bittersweet and I could feel my heart tingle...and then I threw every single thing away.
Why did I do all this? First of all, I don't want to leave these things for anyone else to have to take care of after I am gone. Second, I truly am trying to simply my life both internally and externally. But most of all I was able to get rid of all of this memorabilia because it going through everything I realized that everything was already cemented in my heart and I didn't need the external trappings to visit those memories. I only needed to look within my heart and they were all there...forever!
And so I cherish all of them...most especially the ones about Chuck...and I am grateful for the incredible gift of memory and love that the Lord has given us. I have let go...but I will always continue to cherish.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
We arrived about 20 minutes before the service and I walked over to where I could see that people were gathering (I had left Barclee in the car) and asked if this was where the service for MW would be. Several people stared at me strangley and said yes and then one man came up to me and said "is that really you?" It was MW's son, the one who had given Barclee to my care when his mother became unable to care for her. I told him that I had Barclee in the car and would it be okay to bring her to the service.
You would have thought that I said I had the Queen of England in the car! Everyone who heard who I was and who I had with me immediately rushed to my car to see Barclee! MW has been her "mommy" for 4 1/2 years so the entire family of children, grandchildren and great grandchildren knew who Barclee was and apparently loved her dearly.
While I stood in the background during the service, Barclee sat in the front row with the family. It was almost as if she actually knew what was going on and she sat on the son's lap very quietly and properly until the last "Amen."
Tomorrow Barclee is going to have a "play date" with her real birth sister, Molly! The family is so anxious to see "the girl's" together again. After people started leaving, I took Barclee up to the casket and she put her little paw on it and then set her head on her paw.
This morning was one of those joyfully perfect moments ...a time when following my heart was defintely the right thing to do.