Jacob's Baptism

This is a post from last August...the one I started and then found out I couldn't insert my pictures into! I still couldn't insert all the pictures that I wanted to but at least I got three of them in.

One of my greatest joy's in life is being "Grandma" to our grandson, Jacob David Johnson! We have three grandchildren...Jacob (5), Karley (3) and Nicholas (amost 1) but Jacob was our first and due to a set of very difficult and sometimes very sad circumstances we have been blessed with the opportunity of spending a LOT of time with him since his birth. Okay, I know I shouldn't have a favorite...but I do.

On Sunday August 12, 2007 Jacob finally got baptized...and answer to many years of fervent prayer. (The other two were duly baptized prior to their first birthday.) It was my joy and my privelege to not only be present at his baptism that day but to also assist. He was not baptized in the church I attend but the interim priest at the church he was baptized in graciously called me and asked me if I would like to serve as a deacon at the Mass that day! Would I ever!

The following pictures should tell the rest of the story! Praise be Jesus Christ, now and forever!

Family

I am always amazed when I talk to people who have family reunions. My office mate just had one where her 13 cousins and various aunt and uncles on her mother's side of the family gathered. I only had an uncle for about 6 months before he died and left my only aunt a widow. I have never had a cousin. I have no sisters. I do have a brother who claims that I no longer exist so I could actually have a family reunion in a good sized bathroom! There would be me, my aunt, my dad and my niece, Amanda!

Since there are so very few of us, my vacations each year always include a trip to Chicago to see my aunt and then on to Massachusetts to visit my dad. My niece lives in Florida and since she is a head rider for the Lipizzander Stallions, she is seldom ever in one place long enough to visit. She did have a show in the Stockton Arena last year so we were able to hook up then!


Our vacation this year found us on our familar course. Fly from Sacramento to Chicago O'Hare, take the train to downtwon and then a cab to our favorite hotel, the Hilton Suites, where we always get a king room with a view!


This year this was a little twist to our trip. We flew into O'Hare on a Sunday afternoon, got our luggage and headed for the train. No problem...it was right there...paractically waiting for us! As we continued to the city, talking about what we would do during the week, we heard a message over the loud speaker telling us that the train was only going to a certain point because they were working on the track during the weekends. There had been no sign telling us of such work when we got on the train.

Sure enough, after a few more stations, the train stopped and everyone (with their luggage, if they came from O'Hare) had to get off! After finding a long narrow stairway to walk down (with our luggage which was getting heavier by the minutes) we found ourselves being directed to a line of waiting busses. It really didn't matter much where they were going...we were quite a distance from our hotel so on the bus we went. When we first got on the bus it actually went in the direction that we were hoping it would go! However, after about 20 minutes it began to take a turn in a direction that was going away from our hotel so we pulled the cord and got off.


There we were...hot, not close to where we wanted to be...and not a cab in sight. So we decided to start walking until a cab came by. I don't know how many hundreds of cabs are always in the downtown area but on that particular Sunday afternoon not one of them came near any street we were talking on during our journey. Needless to say, we walked all the way to the hotel and arrived sweaty, tired and a bit crabby!


The best thing about a vacation starting on a low note is that it has no place to go but up...and up ours went! Our main reason for being in the city was to spend time with my Aunt Pam. She enjoys taking us out to dinner each night when we are there and she always picks 4 and 5 star restaurants so we eat really well. This is a picture of Aunt Pam and Bob and me at Lawry's Steak House.

One of the things that Bob and I loved to do in Chicago when we lived there was to go for bike rides along the lake front. Of course we didn't have our own bikes but several years ago Bob discovered that bikes could be rented at Navy Pier. He went bike riding by himself on Monday while I slept in but I agreed to go with him on Tuesday.

As we got into the cab to take us to Navy Pier I thought I saw a few drops of rain on the windshield but Bob said, "don't worry." When we got to the bike rental place at the Pier I thought I felt a few drops but Bob said, "don't worry." When we paid our rental fee (2 hour minimum) the guy renting the bikes said that he didn't expect that we would have more than an hour since it looked like rain. Bob said, "don't worry." As we started on our ride I knew that I felt a LOT of drops. Bob said "it might sprinkle a little, don't worry." As we started our ride north along the lake it started REALLY raining...hard! Bob said, "do you want to turn back?" I was totally and completely soaked at this point and I said "don't worry, I'm already as wet as I can get!" So we rode for the full 2 hours in the pouring rain (but it was warm rain)!

When we got back to the kiosk and returned the bikes the rain stopped and the sun came out bright and warm! It was my first ride in the rain and I must admit that it was really enjoyable and I might even be willing to do it again. But don't tell Bob that (he doesn't read my blog!)!


We also went to two Cub games at beautiful Wrigley Field. I am not a baseball fan but being at Wrigley is so special and the Cubs even made it better because they WON!! TWICE

After shopping, biking, incredible dinners and lot of extra sleep for 6 days we left Chicago O'Hare for Boston. Remembering about the weekend track work, we elected NOT to take the train but went to the airport by van. The van cost $40.00 compared to $4.00 on the train but we really didn't have a choice...walking was NOT on my agenda!!


We arrived in Boston, rented a car and drove to Natick, MA which is only a 20 minute drive from my dad's house. Sunday we went to Mass at a delightful little Episcopal church that was build in 1813 and still has little individual boxes to sit in during the service. After Mass we went to see my dad.

Dad is 88 and considering that he had a serious stroke about 3 years ago, he is doing really well. Unbelievably, he has no gray hair! His eyebrows are quite gray but not his head! Check it out for yourself!

After visting with Dad and his wife, Anita, Bob and I took off to Freeport, Maine to visit our very favorite store, L.L. Bean! This is a store that has NO locks because it never closes. It is open 24/7 for 365 days of the year! Bob, who never likes to buy clothes, has fallen in love with L.L. Bean so for the years we have been doing there I have been able to buy him some new things without him complaining! From L.L. Bean we left for Booth Bay Harbor, Maine where we had reservations for a boat trip to see a lighthouse the next day.

Sadly, Bob became sick that evening and so our plans changed. Our previous plan was to go and see the lighthouse and then leave and travel about 120 miles to Arcadia National Park. Bob thought it might be a better idea to stay in Booth Bay another day. That was great news for me...the view from our balcony should tell you why.

The next day we were off on the boat to a little island that housed a little lighthouse! It was so foggy that morning that we couldn't see the front of the boat much less the island we were going to that day. Bob said, "don't worry!" I was almost afraid to get off the boat because I couldn't see the steps and was afraid I would lose my husband but just as I was about to "worry" the sun came through the fog and the day was just gorgeous!

After a beautiful day on the island not only did we decide to stay an extra day but an extra two days! The next day we took another longer boat ride to another island and saw another lighthouse! We spent the rest of our time in Booth Bay Harbor enjoying the view from our room, eating LOTS of lobster and clams and getting much needed rest!

Thursday we drove back to Boston and had another dinner with my Dad and Anita. Friday morning we left Boston for our trip back to Sacramento (via San Francisco!) and home! It was a lot like our previous vacations but we both feel that as long my aunt (who is 77) and my dad are still alive that trips east will be a part of our summers.

I may have a very small family and all of us may be able to have a reunion in a good size bathroom but I thank God every day for their presence in my life. I am truly blessed!

Reasons for Not Blogging

Here it is August 18th and it has been over a month since I have even had time to sit at this computer and think about blogging! In wondering how so much time could have gone by I realized that I really could come up with some "legitimate" reasons for being away so long...and here they are...

1. I was on vacation for two weeks and I did NOT take my computer with me. While I was able to check my email on my trusty Treo and even answer, that was about as close to "doing something" that I wanted to get. Not that vacation was not "doing something!"

2. I have been in mourning. First it was saying goodbye to my beloved rector and his ever so enchanting wife. Then, when I returned from vacation I learned that my dear friend C's beloved chocoalte lab had died. The death was not unexpected but heartbreaking nonetheless. I had truly fallen in love with this beautiful 4-legged member of her family and so losing her was sad...and of course it brought back memories of my little Mousie.

3. I have been sick. B got sick while we were on vacation and continued to be sick for two weeks after we got back. I got sick the week after we returned home and remained so for a whole week. I even took a day off of work! This is very unusual for me since my motto usually is not to waste a good sick day on being sick! However, I was down and out and although I did go back to work the next day coming home and going to bed was about all I could muster.

4. I have been tired. My body can't seem to keep up with my life! I wish someone would have told me when I was a bit younger to save some of the energy I expended! I had no idea that we only have so much energy for our lifetime and I seem to have used up all of mine in the first 60 years! What ever happened to "Geritol" for "tired blood?"

5. I have been very busy (which probably accounts for #4 above!). Vacations are nice but then you have to come back to the office and it is all STILL there waiting for you!! By the time I could get "up to speed" from vacation I found I was behind on stuff that had to be done since I got back from vacation! It is endless. Guess that's why they call it work!!


Now that I have written down my excuses they look pretty puny! I have lots to blog about...not the least of which is my grandson's Baptism which I was priveleged to take part of and of course there is that vacation! But for now, the house in beckoning to me and so with dust rag and "Endust" in hand I will go answer its call can back here later!

So Much to Do and So Little Time!

How can it be that this is July 13th and I have not written since the end of June? It seems like I just had that special day yesterday. And now I am preparing to go on vacation and barely have time to pack before we are off for 2 weeks.

The weeks since my last post have been VERY full. Preparations for saying good-bye *SIGH* to our priest and his wife at church have been mind boggling! My dear friend C and I were working on a project for what seemed "day and night" for almost 3 weeks. It turned out to be a wonderful pictorial memory book of our church, our Liturgy, our congregation and many memories which we presented to Fr. C and B at their "good-bye" brunch last Sunday. We had worked on the book so long and hard that I felt like I had been in labor "forever" and then finally given birth only to have to give the "baby" up for adoption! I know it is going to a good home, but...!

The brunch was actually the second "good-bye" function. Last Friday was a "good-bye dinner" that was simply delightful...if it wasn't for the occasion! The weather was beautiful for outdoor cocktails and goodies and the dinner was delicious. Toasts were given, gifts were presented, a lovely power point presentation was shown and speeches were made. All in all an enchanting evening...but lots of tears flowed also.

I have been lamenting all of the "lasts." My last Sunday to serve at the altar with Fr. C, my last time at EP with Fr. C (that occurred tonight and all I did was drop little tears on my prayer book). Tomorrow will be the last time I serve at the altar with him forever and just thinking about it makes my eyes water! His office gets emptier every day in direct proportion to my heart breaking. I sure do like to say "hello" so much better!

Along with getting ready for the "final good-bye" to Fr. C I have also been facilitating 3 different adult bereavement support groups for the last six weeks. I seldom have three going at one time but I wanted to accommodate everyone before I left on my two week vacation so I tried it. With the Lodi (Monday nights), Stockton (Weds. nights) and Manteca (Thurs. nights) groups I had a total of 53 people in the groups. Fifty three stories of 53 beautiful people who are grieving the death of someone who was so very important to their lives. Mother, fathers, brothers, sister, sons, daughters, husbands, wives, and other loved ones were remembered by the participants telling "their story." Not the story of their deaths...but the stories of their loved one's lives and who they are as survivors today because of they were blessed to have their lives cross.

In one of the groups I had a very devastating thing happen. One of the gentlemen in the group was there with his only child, his daughter. They were grieving the death of his wife and her mother. I watched them grow and heal during the first 5 weeks of the group. Then two days after the 5th week I received a phone call telling me that the gentleman had died that morning. So here was this daughter who had just buried her mother in April and now had to bury her father. The members of the group rose to the occasion. Forgetting their own grief for a while, every single one of them sent her a card and many of them called her. When I went to the funeral on Thursday she said those cards and calls are what kept her going.

The groups are so rewarding. The first night everyone just sits very quietly just looking at their feet or glancing through the literature they are given. By the last night everyone is laughing and talking and making plans to get together and talking about the future. Wow! However, all that emotion for 3 nights a week for 6 weeks along with my OWN emotion has been one very long roller coaster ride!

I need a vacation! Of course going on vacation with B is seldom relaxing but it is always interesting. We fly to Chicago early Sunday morning. I tell everyone I am going to Chicago to visit my Aunt Pam...he tells everyone we are going to Chicago to see a couple of Cubs games and maybe see Barry Bonds break the record of home runs in the beautiful confines of Wrigley Field! After a week in Chicago (during which we shall do both of the above...although I can't vouch for the Barry Bonds part!) we fly to Boston. I say we are going to Massachusetts to see my Dad. Bob says we are going East to take a road trip up the coast to visit light houses and a National Park! Again, we shall do both!

I'm not taking my laptop computer so I won't be able to send posts like by good friend K did on her vacation. In fact, I'm not even going to look at a computer!

So, to those who may occasionally frequent this little blog I say "good-bye" for two weeks! I know I will have itchy fingers to write again when we return on July 27th. May God bless each and every one of you and keep you in His loving arms!

A Special Day

Today is only just a little half over (by the clock) and it has already been an incredible special day.

I have had the opportunity to see someone I love in a way I have never seen them before and now feel closer than I ever had. I have also been reminded in a gentle and loving way of what REAL friendship between those who call Jesus "the Christ, the son of the living God" looks like! I consider both the opportunity and the reminder as "love gifts" from the Lord today! Although the gifts concern two different people they are intrically connected!

The "opportunity" concerns someone I have known and loved for the past 10 years. I have known this person to be quite "cerebral" and not one to deal much in feelings because, you know, "feelings" can mess you up! Today, this person shared feelings with me that showed me a tender side of them...a gentleness and openness that I wasn't sure existed but am so delighted to know that it does! It was a lovely "love gift."

The "reminder" concerns someone that I have known and loved for a shorter but equally wonderful time. I call this person "my dear friend" because they bring light and laughter and kind counsel into my life. Today, this friend reminded me of what "friendship" is really about. It is about loving and caring enough about someone to tell them the truth even if they don't think they want to hear it. It is about have the freedom to be truly be honest with someone and knowing that it is perfectly "OK."

And even more than that, a true friend can help you see the "forest" when all you can see is the one tree you are standing under. They can also help you see your "real" self even though you try to hide it! Today, "my dear friend" helped me to see the beauty and the value of my first "love gift" and all of the above. That was my second "love gift" from the Lord.

Previously I wrote about the joy of thinking about the fact that God needs no other reason to love us other than we belong to Him! And because we belong to Him, like any loving Father, He gives us special little "love gifts" when we least expect them! I am so grateful for his gifts of love to me today.

Praise be God forever and ever and ever!!

An Encouragement to Love and Spoil!

Christy Actually Awake! (Kind of!)

During the last week, Christy, my very old "dorkey Yorkie" developed an "itchy rash" which has caused her to spend a lot of her awake time chewing on herself. She has had this itchy rash before so I called the vets office to get a refill of her medicine. I was told that medications can't be refilled without a "vet visit" (which therefore gives me the opportunity to pay $41.00 for the office visit AND the prescription refill!)

Since I work during the week I had to wait to get a Saturday appointment. Actually, my favorite vet there is Dr. McK and she only works on weekends anyway so it was all for the best.

As mentioned in a previous blog, Christy is a "pet shop" dog and therefore has always been much larger (fatter!) than a regular Yorkie (like Mousie). At her peak of "fatness" she weighed a little over 14 pounds...way over 14 pounds! Today they weighed her and she came in at about 8.7 lbs. I knew she had lost a lot of weight but close to half was a little scary.

Dr. McK finally saw us after almost an hour wait! She was surprised to see how little Christy has become. I told her why we were there and while I was telling her about Mousie I could see her gently running her hands over Christy and I watched her face as she went over and over Christy's tummy. When I finished talking I said "what did you find?" She then told me the words I most certainly did not want to hear "Christy has a very large tumor on her liver...about the size of a tennis ball."

I was then waiting for her to tell me the dreaded words "it's time to let her go." I wasn't ready for that and thankfully I did not hear them. Instead she told me to take Christy home and love her and love her and then love her some more. It's time to spoil her...feed her whatever she wants whenever she wants it! (Even though Christy is deaf her ears seemed to come up when Dr. McK said that!). When I asked about how long she might have to enjoy all this love and spoiling, the answer was "until she dies." Okay, I can deal with that. At least she didn't say "next week" although I am well aware it could be..."until she dies."

So I share my story with whoever might happen upon this blog. I'm going to be kind of busy from now on loving and spoiling Christy so this might be my last blog entry for a while. Christy has been my sweet baby since December 1991 when my late husband, Chuck, brought her home to me as a Christmas present all tucked up in his jacket! She was with me when my older Yorkie, Sasha, died. She was with me when Chuck died. She was with me when Mousie died. She moved from Chicago to Lodi with me. When I met her she was 14 weeks old and I was 46. Now she is 15 years, 9 months and 16 days old and I am 61+. We have a lot of history together and I intend on making our last "whatever" as special as possible.

I feel so sorry for those poor souls who don't believe in "doggy heaven" because there surely is one. All my beloved pets are there along with millions and billions of others. God certainly loves all His creatures from the slimy snail to my wonderful Mousie and Christy!

Praise God forever and ever and ever! Amen

The Beginning of a Journey for a "Rule of Life"

It has been my joy and my privilege over the past 28 months to have the gift of a spiritual director. J is a Roman Catholic priest and one of the most humble, gentle, godly and spiritual men I have ever known. It may seem odd that an Episcopal/Anglican deacon has a Roman Catholic priest for a spiritual director but since I went to him not for direction in serving in the Episcopal church...that was what those three years of classes in Fresno were for...but for direction for a deeper of heart, mind and spirit relationship with God, our relationship has been perfect...at least for me.

I met J in the beginning of my second year in the diaconate discernment process shortly after moving from an "Aspirant" to a "Postulant. I wasn't quite sure how all this was going to work...would he "take me on?"...would I like him?...but the line from Rene Zellwenger in the movie "Jerry Maquire fills the bill...he "had me at hello!" I knew immediately that the Lord had chosen him to help guide me in the spiritual journey that I was taking.

In the beginning I became somewhat frustrated. I would ask him questions but he would not give me answers! Instead, he would guide me on a path where I could discover the answers for myself. I thought the "instant gratification" way would be better but now, after over two years of monthly meetings, I truly realize that his way was so much better and helped me to grow in ways I never would have done had I just been given the "answers."

I was terrified that when I finally finished that very long third year and reached my ordination date of December 16, 2006 that he would suggest that we part company. Thankfully he did not do that and so we have continued our monthly meetings and I am ever so grateful.

All that has been said to bring me to our most recent meeting on June 21, 2007...just a few days ago. I told him that I felt the Lord was really laying upon my heart the need for a "rule of life" for my life.

All my life I have actually liked "rules." They make me feel secure in a world that is not always very secure. I attended an all girls Catholic high school. Maria High was located on the south side of Chicago in the Marquette Park area. It was part of a large full city block which consisted of Nativity Church, Nativity Grammar School, Holy Cross Hospital, Maria and the mother house of the Sisters of St. Casimir, who taught at both schools and managed the hospital. I was in high school from 1959 to 1963 when nuns still wore those mysterious black and white "habits" and demanded the highest respect!

We had SO many rules that they could make your head spin. No talking in the halls, no talking in the classrooms, no talking in the bathrooms, no make-up, only wear black crepe sole shoes, must wear stockings with seams, must wear wool gabardine uniform swith little while blouses with peter pan collars! Don't wear patent leather shoes because they reflect your underwear, don't wear white because it reminds a boy of bedsheets (back when almost all sheets were white!!) and always have a Chicago telephone directory between you and a boy's lap or you will get pregnant! There were many, many, many more! I loved and embraced all of them. They made my very insecure life secure even if it was only during school hours.

The first reunion I went to with my classmates was our 10th. So many of them were married and had babies already and we were all so "grown up." During our discussions at the dinner table they started talking about how awful, how terrible, how humiliating and degrading all those terrible rules had been when we were in school. I was devastated and could not bring myself to join in the conversation because I knew that I would be considered "strange" if I said how much I appreciated those rules!

It was not until I accepted Christ as my personal savior and gave Him my heart that I ever felt that security again. God had rules for us and they were found in His book, the bible! I met Christ 25+ years ago in a little Baptist church in Kissimmee, Florida. Not only did I discover that God had rules but I also discovered the Baptist church had made up a whole big bunch of them on their own...boy did they have rules! However, all those rules once again brought order and stability to my life and I quickly embraced all I could find. In time, I also found some of those rules very confining...but that's a different blog!

So here I am today, an ordained Episcopal/Anglican deacon and once again looking for rules to bring order and stability to my life. It is not that my life is out of control...it is the world that seems out of control to me. There don't seem to be many "rules" that anyone cares to follow any more. Gosh, just try and do the speed limit on a freeway and you will find yourself the slowest vehicle out there and likely to get run over!

Even God's rules don't seem to mean much anymore...you know...the ones about killing and stealing and honoring your parents and coveting your neighbors goods...or spouse! Just watch the nightly news or read the newspaper to discover that! Even the more gentle "rules" like ""not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. " (Heb 10:25) I have a feeling that there a lot more people at home on Sunday mornings than there are in churches even though those at home are "members" of churches!

I must confess that I am easily distracted by all that is going on around me. My life does not seem secure right now with my Mousie's death (yes, I am still grieving!), my beloved rector leaving our church to move to Indiana and "things" at work being more stressful and out of hand than usual. I need some stability...I need a "rule of life" so that I have a lifeline to hold on to when things get out of control.

While J was in certainly in favor of this quest I wanted to embark on he was also hesitant about it because he was concerned that I might use this "rule of life" to beat myself up with because I would build something so stringent that I could never hope to achieve it and then I would berate myself for not succeeding. I am an expert at this. I am one of those people who can receive 24 positive comments about something but only hear and remember the one negative one. Then am quite experienced at beating myself up over that one negative comment. I believe the one over the twenty four no matter how hard I try not to! I definitely need a "rule of life"...and one that does not allow any self-flagellation!

After assuring J that my goal was that my "rule of life" would be an encouragement and not a detriment to my spiritual growth, he agreed to help. Of course the help that I had in mind was that he would kind of put it together for me and I would just try and follow it! It was not what he had in mind. He went to his library and returned with a book. "Read it" he said, "it won't tell you what to do it but it will be a guidebook for the journey." I have begun to devour the book. I am excited to begin the work involved but want to every word to sink in before that! I am really hyped!

Every meeting that I have had with J has resulted in me getting a "nugget" that I could chew on until our next meeting. This month my "nugget" was the reminder that God loves me...not because of any good that I might try to do...and not in spite of all the messes I make...God loves me because I belong to Him! I belong to God...the God that created the heavens and the sun and the moon and the stars and every living creature on earth! I belong to Him! Wow! That's a reminder nugget that I needed...especially in light of my "sad" state that I have been in lately.

Praise be God...forever and ever and ever! Amen!