Thursday, October 9, 2008
Happiness for My Dear Friend, B!
Friday, October 3, 2008
Letting Go...and Cherishing
My dear husband was away for the weekend so I was left in peace and quiet to do what needed to be done. I began by taking everything off the shelves and off the floor of "my" closet as I call the closet in our "computer room."
The "stuff" I found! Apparently I had cut out an kept every newspaper article, every magazine article, every "anything" that had been printed about Princess Diana after her death. All of these things were tucked inside a scrapbook so one might assume that I truly meant to make a scrapbook with all these goodies. I sat on the floor and read every single article...and I remembered where I was when I heard she had died (San Francisco) and how I felt (very sad) that such a terrible accident had taken the life of someone so young. I remembered our trip to England and our visit to her ancestral home in Althrop. I cherished all those memories...and then I threw away every single piece of paper.
Ditto with all the magazine and newspaper articles about Michael Jordan's return to the Chicago Bulls! Of course when I started that collection I was still in Chicago and a huge Bulls fan! I remembered the one game I actually got to see at the Stadium where the Bulls won and Jordan seemed bigger than life to me. I was so excited to be "in his presence!" I remembered all those memories...and then I threw away every single piece of paper.
Ditto with so many other things saved and cherished as "important" but no longer had much meaning.
Then I came to "the box." This was the box that had all the memories of my late husband, Chuck stored in it. There were love letters...hundred of them. There were all the condolence cards that were sent when he died. I read every single one of them and realized that I didn't even know most of those people any more. I found his wallet and his Jewel Foods (our local grocery store) check cashing card, his voters registration card and all of his medical cards which at one time had seemed to important to save...almost as if someday he might need them again. There was so much stuff in "the box" (which was quite large by the way) that it took me an entire day to read every single thing.
Some of the things made me laugh and some made me cry. The memories they brought back were bittersweet and I could feel my heart tingle...and then I threw every single thing away.
Why did I do all this? First of all, I don't want to leave these things for anyone else to have to take care of after I am gone. Second, I truly am trying to simply my life both internally and externally. But most of all I was able to get rid of all of this memorabilia because it going through everything I realized that everything was already cemented in my heart and I didn't need the external trappings to visit those memories. I only needed to look within my heart and they were all there...forever!
And so I cherish all of them...most especially the ones about Chuck...and I am grateful for the incredible gift of memory and love that the Lord has given us. I have let go...but I will always continue to cherish.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Another Day, Another Thought!
Saturday, September 27, 2008
A Thought for Today
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Changing Is a Process
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Redesigning My Life
A Morning of Great Joy!
We arrived about 20 minutes before the service and I walked over to where I could see that people were gathering (I had left Barclee in the car) and asked if this was where the service for MW would be. Several people stared at me strangley and said yes and then one man came up to me and said "is that really you?" It was MW's son, the one who had given Barclee to my care when his mother became unable to care for her. I told him that I had Barclee in the car and would it be okay to bring her to the service.
You would have thought that I said I had the Queen of England in the car! Everyone who heard who I was and who I had with me immediately rushed to my car to see Barclee! MW has been her "mommy" for 4 1/2 years so the entire family of children, grandchildren and great grandchildren knew who Barclee was and apparently loved her dearly.
While I stood in the background during the service, Barclee sat in the front row with the family. It was almost as if she actually knew what was going on and she sat on the son's lap very quietly and properly until the last "Amen."
Tomorrow Barclee is going to have a "play date" with her real birth sister, Molly! The family is so anxious to see "the girl's" together again. After people started leaving, I took Barclee up to the casket and she put her little paw on it and then set her head on her paw.
This morning was one of those joyfully perfect moments ...a time when following my heart was defintely the right thing to do.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Going to the Dentist!
I woke up about 2:00 a.m. Saturday morning with a terrible toothache! This is unusual for me since I lost all but 6 of my permanent teeth 42 years ago! That situation is a whole different post...just suffice to say that I seldom get toothaches!
However, this one was a doozer! I wish I knew how our body parts just know when it is a week-end and help is not just around the corner. Now I know that my dear dentist has a 24 hour service but since I am no longer employed that means I no longer have dental insurance and that 24 hour thing is expensive. So, I decided to "tough it out" until Monday morning.
It was a loooong time to Monday morning. The time was spent in various ways which included moaning, tears, sleeping, Vicodin (thank goodness I had some left over from my foot surgery) and in general, being miserable.
Monday came. I called the dentist. I went in immediately. He took one look at me and said that it needed a specialist. It needed an Endodontist! This particular tooth holds one side of my partial and my "dear dentist" said we only had "one chance" to get this right and he would rather have a "professional" do it. So I call the Endodontist that he referred me to and they informed me that their first opening was on Thursday!!!!
So, I said "okay, but I'm driving over to your office now and I want lots of drugs to take until Thursday!" They immediately changed their mind and told me to "come right in!" I did!
I needed a root canal! Goodie! After 500 shots of Novocaine (okay, it wasn't that many but it FELT like that many) the "Endo guy" tells me he is going to drill a little hole through my crown and do the root canal through the hole. That sounds good to me....until I hear those dreaded words "oh no!" "Endo guy" looks at me and says "I have bad news and good news." Like I really want to hear this with my mouth dumb and somebody playing bongos in my head! He say "the bad news is that your tooth has fractured...the good news is that if you have to have a fracture, this is a good one." What he means by a "fracture" is that my tooth has broken off at the gum line with half my tooth in the crown...which is now in his hand...and the other half in my mouth. I failed to see any good news in this development.
Three hours and $860.00 later (I was asked if I wanted to pay "cash or check!) I left "Endo guy" with my broken tooth in a little baggy and my partial in a pink cup and my head throbbing and my mouth looking like something out of a Disney cartoon...a scary cartoon! I head back to "dear dentist" with my little goodies. He looks at them and assures me that we can "do something with this" and I should come in tomorrow when I am feeling better! "Endo guy" told me to go home and take some Ibuprofen and I would feel fine. Ha! Ha! Ha!
Tuesday I go back to "dear dentist" feeling horrible because when the Novocaine wore off I had pain the Ibuprofen never heard of! However, I still had some Vicodin from the foot surgery so I stayed pretty quiet and out of it!
"Dear dentist" tells me he is going to drill a hole in the part of the tooth that is still in my mouth and cement a steel post in there and then drill an absolutely perfectly matching hole in the part of my tooth that is still in the crown and then cement them together and everything will be wonderful! It sounds so easy when they talk about it!
After 500 more shots of Novocaine (really, I think there were that many!) and 2 hours in the dentist chair, I have a tooth in my mouth and I have my partial attached to it! Of course I can't feel a thing...so everything feels fine...even though, once again, I have a pretty peculiar look! This time "dear dentist" gives me a prescription for an antibiotic AND a prescription for Vicodin which he encourages me to take liberally so that I can get on top of the pain...which is sure to come after the Novocaine wears off! I do love "dear dentist!" And, he makes an appointment for this morning so that he can "check things out."
I live on Vicodin yesterday and this morning I go to see "dear dentist" to "check things out." He thinks things look great and we will let this all heal and then he will have to make a new partial so that there won't be so much pressure on poor broken toothies. Oops, I forgot to mention...we had this same scenario on the other tooth 4 years ago! We made an appointment for October 6th because he feels my bone pain will be under control by then! I didn't mention that this was only September 17th because he gave me another prescription for Vicodin! You don't want to bite the hand that feeds you!
Okay, I feel so much better now sharing my wonderful adventure on my blog. I think it is time to take an antibiotic and a Vicodin...hope this stuff isn't too addicting! But really, I AM feeling so much better but that's only because I haven't even asked "dear dentist" about his bill yet!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
A New "Look" for a New Outlook!
I've realized some important things during these past three months. First of all, I am realizing that as important as "money" seems to be in our daily lives...it really isn't important at all. Or perhaps I should rephrase that to say...it isn't important enough to stress about. There are so many valuable and wonderful things in my life where money doesn't even play a part. My 3 grandchildren, my Barclee, my husband, my friends (and even my acquaintances!), and MOST of all...God! Now that I am not concerned about spending money (mainly because I don't have any now!) I can concentrate on these much more important "gifts" in my life!
Second, I am realizing the incredible value of having time...time that isn't taken up with anything...time that can be spent enjoying life and all that it offers! While I do have some things "scheduled" now (like my daily yoga classes) for the most part I am now very flexible. Some days I am amazed at how much I get accomplished and other days I am amazed at how swiftly the day passed and discover I have "done" very little. Ahhhh!
Third, I am realizing the how perfectly wonderful silence can be! It seems that all of my days for years and years and years have been filled with "noise." Our house is quiet. I find myself spending hours in my quilt room with nothing filling the quiet except my own breathing...and yoga classes are teaching me how to breathe in a whole new energizing way! I love the silence. I have three beautiful Icons in my quilt room and find that in the silence and peace of the room that I can easily lose myself in prayer through the Icons for hours...where before I often had a hard time praying continually for 15 minutes.
I am continually amazed at how gently and generously our Lord takes care of each of us. When I lost my job, the people involved truly meant it for "evil." But God took their actions and made it something beautiful in my life. He loves us so completely and He is so concerned about whatever makes us unhappy. I am grateful to Him for my new outlook!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Where Were You?
****MEET ME IN THE STAIRWELL*****
Stop and think and appreciate God's power in your life.
the Joy of a New Language!!
I would never have imagined that my body could do this but since starting yoga classes I can actually put myself in this position without a problem. I also "enjoy" the "cat to cow" position as I exhale on "cat" and inhale on "cow" What fun!
Monday, September 8, 2008
Friendship
Perhaps I should start with my dismissal from the job and I have held and loved for the past 10 years. ON my 10th anniversary (6/4/08) I was fired. I had no idea it was coming. One minute I was counseling with someone whose husband had recently died and within 20 minutes I was gone...banished from the building...told not to return for my belongs (I had a lot of stuff there after 10 years) until the "investigation" had taken place and I was called.
My first lesson on friendship came rapidly...my "roommate," the incredible person I had shared an office with for many years immediately called my cell phone and said she would meet me for lunch. She came to the restaurant and said all the wonderful things a friend should say at that time and in that situation. She definitely made me feel better. She fulfilled the saying "a friend in need is a friend indeed!"
Life is kind of a blur after that. I was called the next day, told the "investigation" was completed and told to come into the office at 2:00 p.m. In I went at 2:00 p.m. along with my dear husband and an attorney that I had never met...but had called in desperation. It was all over in a matter of minutes. Sign here....sign here...sign here...here is your final check...turn in your ID badge...and, by the way, we are firing you because we understand you had a dog at one of the support groups. If you think you just read that line incorrectly please know that you did not. That was my demise after 10 years of working many, many hours, facilitating sometimes 3 support groups in the evening every week and working many Saturdays! (By the way, I did have Barclee at a group so I was "guilty as charged!")
Now comes my second lesson about friendship...beside being my lover, my husband, my confident...my husband, Bob, is even more importantly my dearest and best friend. he was (and is) incredible! He said terrible things about my employer (yes!), said wonderful things about me (yes!) and assured me that everything was going to be just find and that in time we would look on this time as just a little "bump in the road!" He said lots more wonderful things too but they all proved to me beyond a doubt that I married a pretty terrific guy!
And therein ended my positive lessons about friendship...at least from people I thought were friends. One person that I thought I was very close to did, in fact, call and tell me that she couldn't talk to me because no one was to have contact with me from "there." I never heard from her again.
People I had lunched with, stayed late with, helped out and who had helped me out...they were no where to be seen...or heard from. I guess they proved the saying "out of sight, out of mind!" I still haven't heard from them...3 months later...and my bet is that I never will again.
However, I have a "new friend" that I met in March through my blog. She lives in Virginia and I have never met here...but she wrote some of the most encouraging emails that I have ever received and her words truly helped heal my heart. She proved the saying "there is no distance too great between friends for friendship gives wings to the heart!"
So, I think that at the age of "almost 63" I have finally understood the difference between "friends" and "acquaintances." I have a long list of "acquaintances" (although the list is getting much smaller!) and a very short...but very meaningful...list of people I can truly call "friends." I am grateful for the lesson. I am grateful for those who cared enough about me to console me and to stand by me and I don't care if my friend list is shorter than I ever imagined.
And, perhaps most importantly, I have learned, in a whole new way, the kind of friend I need to be to others. With God's help I hope I can live up to this lesson!
And by the way...Bob was right. Things have worked out in a very positive way! God is good...all the time!
Saturday, September 6, 2008
World's Worst Blogger
I think the problem is that I forgot why I was writing. No one...well hardly anyone...ever visited my blog and so I kind of thought "why bother." But the truth is that I started this blog so that I could express myself in some written form other than writing in a journal. Of course I also started it because I was grieving the death of my sweet little Yorkie, Mouse, who died on April 16, 2007.
Now I have just experienced the death of my last Yorkie...Christy died on August 12, 2008. She was just a couple of week shy of her 17th birthday...which is today! I am passionately in the journey of grieving for her. At the end she didn't have much quality of life but she still seemed to want to go on and so I have her that option...until she couldn't anymore.
The house is not empty of puppy love. Barclee, our Bichon Frise, came to live with us in early December. She turned 5 on March 1st. She seemed to be more than content to just have a loving home and stay in the background of Christy. Now Christy is gone and Barclee is trying to get used to be in the limelight! She still refuses to eat dinner where Christy used to...which was in the kitchen. No, she wants to eat in the living room where we fed her from her first day here on Audubon Drive! She is very sweet and I truly do love her dearly...but I must admit that I miss those little Yorkies very, very much.
So much has happened to me that requires writing about in order not to carry it around with me. So, I am going to try this again. Only this time I will keep in mind that I am writing just for me and if anyone should come by and visit, well may God bless them...and if no one comes that is just fine too.
But now I have to go and finish a sermon for church tomorrow. Must keep priorities straight!
Until later......
Thursday, April 3, 2008
PAY IT FORWARD!!
Pay It Forward Exchange (Ravelry)
I'm SO EXCITED to be involved in the Pay It Forward Exchange on Ravelry! It’s based on the concept of the movie “Pay it Forward” where acts or deeds of kindness are done without expecting something in return, just passing it on. So here’s how it works. I will make and send a handmade gift to the first 3 people who leave a comment to this post on my blog requesting to join this PIF exchange. I do not know what that gift will be yet, and it won’t be sent this month, probably not next month, but it will be sent (within 6 months) and that’s a promise! What YOU have to do in return, then, is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog. I will now Pay It Forward to you THREE, I wonder who you will be?! Please, be a PIF! You will enjoy it just as much as we do! And, remember...you have 6 months to get your gifts done! Come on, you know you would love to be one of my angels. Then, one day, when you least expect it, you will get a gift that I have made especially for YOU! Please remember, you don't have to knit or crochet to participate, anyone who can make a nice handmade gift is welcome to join. :)
This has been forwarded from both Catsinger and Miz Minka's blog's where I signed up to PIF. As Catsinger said, it sounds like something Jesus would do! Now I am not very talented EXCEPT making quilts and things quilt related...so, my gift to you three will most certainly be a quilt related gift. I can't wait to find out who you are so I can start on your special gift. I know not too many people read my blog but I sure am hoping for at least three of you...please??
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Where Have All he Comments Gone??
Friday, March 7, 2008
The "Joys" of Electronic Equipment!
In January of this year I got a little inkling of what it would be like without some of the things we simply take for granted now when 3 unhappy things happened to me quite rapidly!
#1 - My laptop computer was stolen from my office at the church I serve at. There was no break-in, nothing else was touched...just my laptop, power cord and mouse. It was a Dell laptop purchased in 2004 when I started seminary on my way to become an ordained deacon. It served me well all those years! After ordination I brought it to the church office and was on the network so I could do my church work. I had been using it for over a year in that capacity when it suddenly disappeared. I was quite sad!
#2 - My Ipod died. I loved my Ipod. I had little speakers at the office, at the church and in various places at home so I could listen to my music. It soothed me on airplanes (I hate to fly) and was my constant companion. But it just died...no farewells...it was just "gone."
#3 - Our home desk top computer "kind of" crashed. It told me in ugly little boxes that I had many "fatal errors" and that turning it off would be a fatal error of the most permanent kind! I knew that it was getting close to calling it a day. It had been built for us by a friend with only a 20G hard drive. I had installed another 120G hard drive but it was still getting slower and faltering every day. And then it fell into that "fatal error" stage. I also had a 300G SimpleDrive on which I had backed up everything on both hard drives so I knew all my "info" was safe. Not so with my laptop which had all the papers I had written for 3 years on it and NO backup!
So, we were computerless. Not a good thing for my husband who does his bowling secretarial duties on the computer and does our income tax also! Not a good thing for me who spends her whole life at home either at the computer or in the quilt room!
There are stores! Many stores that are only too happy to sell computers and Ipods! I shopped around, comparing prices and learned some terrifying...all new computers have Windows Vista!! Everyone I knew said "stay away from Windows Vista"...but that's all you can buy! So, I bought a new Toshiba laptop complete with all the new "bells and whistles" (none of which I knew how to use!). It has a 17 inch screen, etc. etc. etc!
Then I got an HP TouchSmart Desktop. This one has a 19 inch screen and everything is one piece. It also came with all the "bells and whistles" (I still don't know how to use them.) However, you can touch the screen instead of using the mouse...that is very kewl!
It only took me 3 weeks to figure out how to put everything together so that everything would work together. I actually set up a network which included a new HP Printer. Now I can sit on the back porch with my laptop, get on line and print things out! Wow!
I still can't completely figure out Windows Vista but I do have a couple of "dummy" books and hope to crack the code sometime soon. I also hope to figure out Microsoft Office 2007 which is SO different from 2003 which I am used to!
And the Ipod? Well, I purchased a Classic but it took several new software packages and many calls to iTunes to figure that whole thing out. My music was on my old iPod but I couldn't see it...but I could play it. Getting it off your iPod onto your computer and then on to a new iPod can be done...but trust me, it sure isn't easy!
What an exciting and education time these past couple of months have been!
Somebody Read My Blog!!
I haven't written in over 4 months because I have been in some kind of a "desert" in my life and really haven't felt that I had much to say that would interest anyone...not even me! However, I have been rejuvenated by the thought that someone read my blog!
There have, of course, been some good things happen in the desert! The very best one came at the beginning of December. A friend called me and said that she had the perfect dog for me! Now, I have not actually been looking for a dog...perfect or otherwise. I am still feeling the pain of little Mousie's death last April and my dear Christy is still with me. Today she is 16 1/2 years old! She only weighs about half her previous weight but she walks, eats, loves her treats and still tolerates me petting her for about 1 minute! She is completely deaf and blind and lives in her own little world...but she is not in pain and she still seems to enjoy the life that she has. She has been with me through so much that I am sticking with her until she lets me know it is no longer necessary.
So, even a perfect dog would not fit into my life at this time. All my attention needs to go to Christy. Therefore, I told my friend "thank you" but for now I would have to pass. And, there is also the fact that my dear Bob truly dislikes dogs (at least in our house) so any decision about "another dog" would have to be with him. However, my friend was quite insistent that I take the phone number and make the call. So I did.
One thing led to another and before I knew it Bob and I had an appointment to see the man and his dog after Church on Sunday. All the way there Bob gave me 100 good reasons why this was really stupid. We arrived at the appointed place at the appointed time. To save you from having to read any more "specifics" let me just say that Bob and I left with Barclee...an adorable Bichon Frise!
The rest, as they say, is history. Barclee squirmed in our hearts and our lives without any trouble. She is absolutely respectful of Christy...perhaps even a little afraid of her! Bob is crazy about her and I adore her. She was certainly our most wonderful Christmas present.
A few facts...Barclee turned 5 years old on March 1, 2008. She belonged to a woman named Margaret from the time she was 6 weeks old until she came to our house. She NEVER went outside. She was paper trained because Margaret was too old to take her for walks. She never was allowed in the backyard because Margaret was afraid she would get fleas. She is snow white and looks like a lamb. She weighs about 12 lbs. Sadly, Margaret fell in her home on Thanksgiving,breaking several small bones in her back. She is now residing in a nursing facility as at the age of 93 they were unable to do any surgery. Her 72 year old son was then faced with finding Barclee a new home so he told a friend who told my friend who told me....We keep Margaret in our prayers. She has long forgotten that she had a dog named Barclee.
Barclee's life is quite different now. She gets walked about 5 times a day and is very good about doing her "business" outside! She LOVES to be outside and although the weather hasn't been great here, we do let her run around in the back yard every now and then. She loves to play and has more toys than some kids! Bob only had one decree...NO SLEEPING ON THE BED! That is what he told her the first night and she ran and slept in the living room on the couch. The next night when he came into the bedroom she took one look at him and ran into the living room. He felt so bad that he invited her back into the bedroom...on the bed. Guess where she has been sleeping every since????
Now this is where I always get discouraged...trying to put pictures in my blog. However, I am going to close this blog entry with, I hope, some pictures of Barclee...and then I think I will start work on my next blog!!